How Often Should You Have Sex When Trying to Conceive?

When you’re trying to get pregnant, it’s easy to feel like timing is everything, and frequency is one of the first things people start overthinking. Should you be having sex every day? Is every other day better? What if you miss the “right” day?

Behind all those questions is usually one quiet worry: What if we’re doing it wrong?

The good news is that there’s no one perfect formula. But there is some gentle, research-backed guidance that can help you feel more confident in your rhythm, especially when it comes to supporting sperm health and giving those swimmers the best shot at reaching the egg.

Understanding the Fertile Window

You’ve probably heard the phrase “fertile window” tossed around, but what does that actually mean in practice?

The fertile window refers to the five to six days leading up to ovulation, plus the day of ovulation itself. That’s because sperm can survive inside the body for several days, waiting patiently for an egg to arrive. But the egg? It only sticks around for about 12 to 24 hours.

That’s why having sex before ovulation is often more effective than waiting until the day you ovulate. The goal isn’t just to meet the egg – it’s to be there waiting when it shows up.

If your cycle is regular, ovulation tends to happen around day 14 (counting from the first day of your period). If your cycle is irregular, you may ovulate earlier or later, and using tools like OPKs, cervical mucus tracking, or basal body temp can help you spot your own pattern more clearly.

How Often Is “Just Right”?

When you’re trying to conceive, it’s tempting to think more is better, like you need to hit every possible day to have a chance. But the reality is, quality and timing matter more than quantity.

Most fertility experts suggest having sex every other day during your fertile window. This rhythm allows sperm to replenish and mature between ejaculations, keeping the count and motility strong without overtaxing the body.

If sex every day feels natural and isn’t causing stress or fatigue, that’s okay too. For many healthy couples, daily sex doesn’t significantly reduce sperm quality—especially if overall sperm health is strong. But if you’re not sure where things stand, supporting sperm health with gentle lifestyle changes can help create a more fertile foundation.

It’s not about perfect timing on one magic day. It’s about giving healthy sperm repeated opportunities to be in the right place at the right time, without burning yourselves out in the process.

Debunking Daily-Sex Myths

You might’ve heard that having sex too often can lower your chances of getting pregnant. That if you “use it too much,” sperm won’t have time to recover.

But here’s the truth: for most people, especially when sperm health is in a good place, daily sex during the fertile window isn’t a problem. Some research even shows it might help by reducing DNA damage in sperm and keeping everything fresh and moving.

If it feels natural and not stressful, daily intimacy can be a loving way to stay connected and still support your chances of conceiving. And if that pace feels like too much? Every other day works beautifully, too.

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer here. The best timing is the one that feels right for both of you – physically, emotionally, and in your rhythm as a couple.

Is Abstaining Helpful?

On the flip side, waiting too long to have sex, thinking you’re “saving up”, can actually backfire.

Sperm that sit for too long can start to break down or lose their shape. This can quietly affect sperm count, which is one of the more common challenges for male fertility. Here’s what can cause low sperm count and what may help.

Most studies suggest that abstaining for 2 to 3 days is the sweet spot. That gives sperm enough time to rebuild without letting them age past their prime.

More than five days without ejaculation can lead to more sluggish swimmers, and a higher chance of DNA damage. It’s like leaving a fresh ingredient sitting out too long – it’s still there, but not at its best.

So if you’re trying to plan things out, having sex every day or every other day during your fertile window is a gentle way to support sperm health and stay close as a couple.

When It Feels More Like a Schedule Than a Relationship

Trying to conceive can bring so much focus to timing that it’s easy to lose the intimacy part along the way. What once felt spontaneous can start to feel like just another item on the calendar – especially when you’re charting cycles, tracking fertile days, and worrying if you’re “doing it right.”

If sex starts to feel more like a chore than a connection, that’s a sign to pause and gently reset.

You don’t have to give up on timing, but you can soften the approach. Light a candle. Skip the app for a night. Focus on closeness rather than outcome. Laugh if things feel awkward. This is about building a life together, not passing a test.

The most fertile moments often happen when you’re relaxed, present, and feeling loved, not when you’ve followed a perfect schedule.

FAQs: Common Questions About Sex and Timing

Your Rhythm, Your Journey

There’s no perfect schedule. Just what works for the two of you.

Whether it’s every day or every other day, what matters most is feeling connected, supported, and at ease with your rhythm. You’re allowed to be hopeful. You’re allowed to take breaks. And you’re allowed to figure it out as you go.

If you want to support sperm health along the way, there are thoughtful options that may help—like FertilAid for Men, or FH PRO for Men, which are designed to nourish healthy sperm production. But no product replaces rest, closeness, or kindness to yourself.

If you’ve been trying for a while and are starting to wonder whether testing might help, our post on when to check his fertility offers kind, practical guidance.

Trying to conceive isn’t a performance. It’s a process. And your path is still unfolding at your own pace, with your own kind of love.