This post is for all of you dads-to-be out there. As you know, things don’t always go as you plan them. You’re a good partner; you go to childbirth classes with your wife, and you even read a couple of those articles she forwarded to your email inbox last month. You may think you have a pretty good handle on what to expect now that you’re both expecting.

Unfortunately, there is always the risk that your baby won’t play by the rules of the real world. You may have a baby that is all about the drama, that wants to arrive in style, like they do in the movies. That’s all right, though. You can handle it.

Here are the things you need to know to prepare for your baby’s birth, just like in the movies:

• Get lots of towels. When your wife’s water breaks, you’re going to have a flood in your entire kitchen.
• Take a cab to the hospital. Using your own vehicle is completely passé. Even if you live out in the boondocks, make sure you call a cab. Besides, when that baby arrives on the way to the hospital, you don’t want the mess in the back seat of your Volvo.
• Forget that crap you learned in childbirth classes. Your job is to totally panic and act like an idiot. The sensitive accountant who’s on the date with the wanna-be supermodel will show up in the nick of time to help your wife deliver. Practice saying “Help, somebody! Help! My wife is having a baby!” and waving your arms around frantically.
• Your baby is going to look exactly like your partner. She’s going to have your partner’s eyes, and your nose. She’s also going to come out clean as a whistle, with a perfectly round head.
• Don’t be surprised if your baby comes out with tentacles or a “666” tattooed on his forehead. Just sayin’. If so, there’s a good chance that you’ll be dead by the end of the film, so watch your back.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 31st, 2010 and is filed under Pregnancy.